I have had several conversations with friends lately about doing for others. These conversations revolve heavily about how we wish we knew what to do…or how we wish we had more time in the day…or how we wish we had the resources. What drives the urge for us to do these things? Is it a sense of duty or purpose? Is it replacing guilty feelings of past wrongdoings with a satisfaction that you made reparations by doing a good deed for someone? Is it that we are completely bored with the normal everyday mundane tasks that doing something for someone else would add a spark of life or sense of purpose?
I often wonder why I don’t volunteer enough of my time for worthy causes outside of the time I spend investing in the advancement of my own career – that’s kind of what it’s felt like in the past 6 years. That’s been the nature of everything I have done up to this point though – developing myself as a person…with an intense focus on work. At the time it seemed to be the only thing going for me as a single guy. Boring or short sighted, you say? Perhaps. But it was all a part of making me who I am today, and I don’t think I’m boring or short-sighted. This was all part of making me ready for life as a husband and father.
So what’s my excuse for not giving of my time and talent more outside of work? I could use the excuse that it’s the business travel, which has been the case only in the recent past (so what happened the last six months of no travel?). Or I’m too tired after work and want to run or workout or veg in front of the TV. Or I’m going to other destinations to visit friends and family in an effort to do exciting things that I can’t do in the small town I currently live. But as my brother says…excuses are like assholes – everyone’s got one.
If I have a jones to help others, why am I not feeding that desire? Why am I not heeding the call? Is it that I am that selfish with my time and think only of myself? Is it because I don’t know exactly who to help, what to do, what cause to support, or even where to begin? Is it that the people I would help wouldn’t appreciate it anyway, so why bother? Would I have to throw myself 100% into it to satisfy my passion which would lead to decisions about my career and personal life that I may or may not be prepared to make at this time out of fear of the unknown?
Some of us choose to give back in our faith community by leading worship, a bible study, or providing for the body outside the four walls of a church. Others choose to give back to friends and family in times of need or trouble. Some even give to complete strangers they’ve never met.
Is a smile to someone adequate enough until I get it all figured out and make up my mind what I’m going to do?
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2 comments:
Okay, so I have SO much to say on this subject, but then again, my focus is different from most other people my age.
I have an ex friend who will probably be a GREAT friend someday - once she's found the man of her dreams and she's all married and stuff. Until then, her quest to find that man takes up ALL of her time, and she's sort of a lousy friend to everyone else. (hence the "ex" part.)
It's all about priorities. We've discussed before that my focus is not on my career. I want to make enough money to be happy, and that's about the extent of my drive. I mean, when I find a job that I love and want continue doing for the rest of my life, that might change a little, but I firmly believe that my "real life" is outside of work. So I always make time for friends, for volunteer work, and for things that are important to me. I can afford to do that since I leave work every day at 5:00pm. That's a choice I make. I'm never going to be a millionaire, nor will I be a good provider to anyone other than my dog :-)
Right now, you're focused on your career, right? If you really wanted to volunteer, you could find the time. When it becomes important enough to you, you'll figure out that you've got two hours on Saturday mornings when you could be sleeping in that you could give to your church or your humane society or your local food kitchen. Whatever lights your fire. Until then, don't sweat it. If you're thinking about it, and it really bugs you, but you don't feel you have a lot of extra time, run in a 5K to raise money for a good cause and consider that your contribution to society :-)
I feel ya brother. My biggest thing right now is figuring out how I can help those that can't help themselves. To this point, I have done very little. I found out from a friend in town that this school in a bad neighborhood is looking for tutors to come along side the kids and teach them as well as build relationships with them and their family. I hope to get to do that in the fall, if I follow through with it. It's exciting, but also scary. Way outside of my comfort zone.
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